Obligation Kills Joy: Losing Love For Things In Your Life

You ever have something you really love to do, you look forward to, enjoy the whole process, and get a lot of joy out of it. Then somewhere along the line you become required to do it? Then it just stops being enjoyable, starts becoming a chore or work, and all the joy that was in it just is sucked into a vacuum of the other million things you “have to do” each day?

So when Rosa started pre-school I started finally meeting what other parents in my age bubble were like. Which parent dropped the kid off, who picked them up, etc. It’s kinda like people watching at an airport. The one thing that got me by surprise was the mom who biked her kids to school. She rode a bicycle and had a little trailer behind it the kids rode in. I spent the whole year in parent envy. So when our tax refund came in, first trip to walmart I bought a bike trailer. Since then I’ve randomly taken the girls to the park, surprised Rosa by picking her up from school in it. Even let Danyelle ride the bike with the kids while I ran behind her like Little Mac in Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. Then this past week our car has been in the shop, and Danyelle being the Ninja/Jedi/Amazing Woman she is has had something to do almost every day. So now we are depending on me riding my bike to get Rosa (accompanied by Bella), back and forth to school. This morning when I woke up my thought was “ …great…I gotta pedal all the way to Rosa’s school.” It’s ridiculous. I love doing it, the weather was gorgeous, my kids were perfect, I got good exercise. The only factor in the equation that changed was my perception.

The minute we feel like we are expected, required, or obligated to do something, we allow ourselves to harden to a situation. This happens to us constantly in life. Friendships when they go from “wanting” to hang out(like you text, facebook, visit, actually make phone calls randomly) to “I have to hang out with….”(he/she thinks our friendship is important so I have to put time in with them so I’m not a jerk). It hits volunteering, dating, quality time with your family, so many other things it happens to, but I think it hits us most detrimentally in our spiritual life.

People that “get saved”, or “get close to God”, or “repent”, or anything of that nature have this invigorating attitude for a while. They want to be in every Bible study possible. They want to share their faith with everyone. They want to live a passionate life for God. Then the emotional butterflies start to wear off, church attendance becomes an inconvenience, reading the Bible becomes homework, drawing close to God goes from an intimate relationship to talking to some awkward cousin you don’t really like, actually allowing the Bible to influence your life becomes oppression. Faith turns from being a relationship to religion. Then people start to feel like they are “distant” from God, or “not being fed”, or unsatisfied with their church, worship, pastor, etc etc. Most of the time, those things haven’t changed, it’s their own heart.

Just like in any other situation though, the only real difference is perception. Where you heart is in any given situation will drastically alter how much you enjoy doing something. When your motivation in doing anything boils solely down to requirement, of course your attitude will shift. So check your attitude, check your motivation. The next time you begrudge doing something you used to love, the next time you feel burdened by something that used to give you joy, think about it. Why did you start this in the first place, what did you love, why did you do it? Then ask yourself what’s changed. Sometimes it’ll be outside circumstances, but I think often you’ll find it’s just your attitude on it. I married my wife because I love here, because I wanted to spend my life with her. So when she asks me to spend time with her instead of playing x-box, that should be a no brainer right? I shouldn’t feel like I’m “giving up” my time, I should feel like “absolutely, I love spending time with you so much that I committed to do it for the rest of my natural life…duh.” It rarely goes that way though.

I find keeping the right focus in spiritual areas especially difficult, but I think Jesus laid out some pretty clear reminders on how to overcome this. Living in obedience is one of the toughest things about following Christ. You feel like you are giving up things others are enjoying, or that you are living in some struggle, or often times you are only being obedient because you don’t want to get caught, or have the guilt. If you are trying to live in obedience for any of those reasons, you are going to be miserable, and you are probably going to suck at it. One of the verses that stood out to me the most out of scripture is a simple stand alone statement Jesus made in John 14:15 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” Jesus said that obedience will stem out of love for Him. That if we truly want to be able to live in righteousness, obedience, holiness, effectiveness, etc, then it can’t come from religious obligation, guilt, or appearances, it has to truly come from a love of Jesus Christ. My commitment to my wife and family doesn’t last because I said some words at a church I Greenville 8 years ago, it lasts because I love my wife, because I make the effort to love even when it’s not easy. When our motivation for what we do is based out of love, it changes everything.

On a similar note Paul states in Colossians 3:23” Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,” Anything you do, if you hearts focus/attitude is on God, and doing it for love/honor/to bless God, can make the crappiest experience better. One of my first experiences in the “T.E.A.M. Member” program at Camp Grace was me a couple young teens patching up a ruptured septic line….nasty…so nasty, but their/my attitude was so good about it that it remains one of my favorite memories.

I’m not telling you to spend your life doing things you don’t love, I’m not telling you to hold on to hopeless situations, I know that some things in life are seasonal, but I am telling you this; If you have lost love for something that used to bring you Joy, that used to be a pleasure, and now has just become so lifeless, examine your heart/attitude/motivation because there’s a good possibility the only thing robbing the joy out of any situation in your life is Yourself.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Psalm 51:12