When people disappoint you...

You ever stop and think about how much of the pain/frustration/tension in your life is caused by people either letting you down, disappointing you, or not living up to your expectations?

Lately I’ve been really struggling with disappointment/frustration in people. Not struggling in feeling it exactly, but how it affects my heart. It’s like I’ve been just fed up and bitter with not being able to count on people. Like I’m ready to completely give up on someone and cut them out of my life at a moment’s notice. People that commit to do or be something, and then fall through, people that claim friendship and loyalty and just abandon, people that will just do something so hurtful/inconsiderate to you that you just think “how could they do that to me? Did I ever mean anything to them?” 

I hate how it’s been effecting me, making me cold, calloused, and distant.

I feel like so often I can’t go one day without someone falling short of my expectations. Though the question I need to ask is “ who put these expectations on people? “ Did any of the people who disappoint me or discourage me actually sign up for me to place these expectations on them? Did they read and sign off on some agreement that they would always be who I wanted them to be? I feel like I’m a person who tries to pour out/give a lot of myself to others, to be there when I’m needed, and I allow myself to expect the same thing out of everyone else. To be honest though, it’s exhausting pouring out, giving so much of myself away, but that’s part of who I am and what I’m called to do. Why should I expect, and especially without any communication or agreement on the matter, people to just always be considerate, dependable, reliable, and selfless. Those are ridiculous expectations for people who are imperfect. Christ actually lays out expectations for us, in detailed formats, gives us a direct line of communication, shepherds, a guiding spirit, and body of supporting believers, and we’ve never even come close to living up to His expectations. So why should I expect the people in my life to succeed where normal people, and even people enabled with the power and spirit of God to?

I can’t spend my life being bitter, and discouraged though with people.

When I read “Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people” (John 2:24), My first thought is “YEAH! I know I can’t trust these people, so I’m just gonna keep my heart at a distance” but I know that’s not the case. Jesus knew that even with all the miracles, and thousands of people following him around, even the disciples, that they were just people. He knew that people, at our very core, are broken Even though he didn’t give himself completely to them, letting his whole heart be at their disposal, it didn’t stop him from loving them more ferociously than they had even been loved, or caring for them in ways they never imagined. Jesus was able to take a step back and have a full perspective that in no way could he expect to find unfailing love in sinful man, that He needed to pour himself out for them, but when it came time for Him to find his source of courage, love, strength, and reliability, it would only be found in His father. The more I read the word the more I see that even though Jesus was always surrounded by people, people that claimed they love him, that sang his praises and treated him like a rock star, the only praise and validation he sought after was God’s.

We are told “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (proverbs 4:23) I think Solomon was on the same page with Jesus. You have to be careful with how you handle your heart. You are told to guard it, not lock it up, not keep it hidden, or hardened. Guard it, be selective about who, and how much you are giving of your self personally (emotionally, and spiritually) to a person or situation. For example, I’ve got some pretty valuable action figures, but I’m not like “NOO YOU CAN’T TOUCH THEM”, at the same time I don’t leave them out in the back yard for my dog to chew. If Bella wants to hold one, I let her but I stay beside her and watch over her. If Rosa wants to hold one I’ll give her specific instructions, show her how to use it, and then allow her to go play with it in her room. Even though I trust Rosa more than Bella with them, I still know that Rosa is just a little girl, and there is a good chance that anything I let her use could easily wind up broken, I have to prepare myself for that.

We have to understand that anyone in our life is in fact just another broken person like we are. Some may be more reliable than others, but we have to prepare ourselves for the fact that whatever parts of ourselves we give away, could in fact be met with disappointment, discouragement, or brokenness. We have to realize that there are these “unspoken expectations” we place on people when we pour into their lives and relationships, and that’s exactly what they are “unspoken,” no one has verbalized them, or agreed to them. We can’t allow our hearts to become hardened towards people because they aren’t meeting up to standards they never knew they had to.  Jesus knew this, so he didn’t give his heart to the people completely, but that in no way hindered how he loved, sacrificed or forgave. Solomon had the wisdom to tell us to guard our hearts, but not to imprison them.

Some of the most beautiful moments in life come when we give ourselves away to people, when we love beyond our discretion, when we care even when it’s not safe. Most of the time it’s worth the pain that comes.

Just be aware though, the only person we are told to love with “ALL” our heart is God, the only person we are told to put “all” our trust in is God. If we are giving other people something that is reserved  only for God, of course we are going to be disappointed, discouraged, frustrated, and bitter.

If God was bitter, and cold to us every time we fell short of His expectations, we would be in a terrible place. Just like Jesus in John 2:24 though, He knows our hearts , He knows we are imperfect and His love, Grace, and forgiveness knows no end.  Be careful with your heart, but love fiercely.